coming out of the shoe closet?

I'm going to out myself in this post and admit that I am a Sex and the City fan. Words can not express just how hard this is for me. I have spent many years slagging the show and its fan's but its time for me to admit that i am one of them.
Its really hard because i actually find the characters and the plots extremely irritating but i just fucking love it so much that i turn down many social outings on a friday just so i can sit on my ass and watch the re-runs.
However i should explain why i have denied my love of this series for such a long time. It all started when i was living with a bunch of douchebags in the north shore (I was only there for one month but it was soul destroying). I lived with three super mega girly girls and when they would go out shopping at the local westfield i would curl up on the couch and watch some Troma films (my dvd player had sharted itself so i only had the communal player in the lounge room). These girls would return from their rancid shopping adventures and inform there was a house vote and they all agreed it was time for a Sex and the City marathon. Being a closet fan I'd fake disappointment and let them change it over. The first few times it was great seeing all the clothes and shoes and shit (and Kim Cattrals amazing tits). I secretly LOVED it.
HOWEVER! It was when the comparisons to the characters stared that i become irritated. Someone always had to be the Samantha of the group and there was always a Charlotte. THIS is what shits me. Then i realised the tacky banter camparing the new shoes from 'Wanted' with Jimmy Choo's. And the straw that finally broke the camels back was coming home to find the 3 girls on the couch drinking fancy colourful liquids from martini glasses and watching another episode of SATC. I asked if they had been making cocktails and was about to pour one for myself when they told me that they had just poured their Barcadi Breezers in to fancy cups because the SATC girls always drink cocktails. (I would also like to point out that these same girls informed me how tacky i was to drink my longneck of toohey's new from a paper bag). LAME!!!!!!! I'm tacky but this was too much.
After moving out I became more aware of girls constantly comparing themselves to the Samantha's,Carrie's,Charlottes and sometimes the Miranda's (who gets left out all the time but shes my favourite). Everywhere i went i encountered another fat slapper waffling on about anal sex and how she would totally have a three way and go down on girls cos shes heaps like Samantha while her plain friend next her was totally a Charlotte. I always wonder how how this said 'Samantha' would react if she ever came face to face with a giant wet snatch and just how much would she enjoy a giant surprise slamming in her exit hole? chances are she'd run screaming and vow never to fuck again. Look I'm all for sexual liberation but theres no need to carry on like your a whore just because you dig one on the T-V. I was referred to as a Charlotte to someones Samantha (I replied with excuse me but your the Blanche to my Dorothy....before carrie,charlotte,samantha and miranda thre was dorthy,blanche,rose and sophia moreon the Golden Girls later) My blood boiled and i felt steam spew out of my ears! DONT FUCKING COMPARE ME TO THESE WOMEN!!!

Right now that all thats out I would like to say that yes Sex and the City is a fucking RAD show and i love love love it the clothes are amazing the shoes are fabulous and sometimes the characters dont drive me that insane. BUT start pretending that your like these fictional people, chatting about your sexual encounters and your love of 'High Fashion' (Stella mcCartney for target anyone?) I will beat you to death with your Louis Vuitton knock-off handbag.
Be Warned!

tis a sad sad thing

I feel really sorry for the young kids of today because the movies they have today (with exception of of disney/pixar) totally blow. All their idols are baby prostitutes who expose their underage tang while prancing around in sequined hot pants and all the movies have the same bullplop story line.
Lets face its movies influence young people and when i was young i loved movies whatever i watched thats what i wanted to be. Though it made me socially retarded locking myself in my room having private movie marathons and hugging my marilyn manson posters it also kept me out of trouble. While all the other girls my age were out popping their cherries taking their first hits of ecstacy and experiencing their first pregnancy scares i was chilling in my bed re-watching the Goonies (which all my friends said was super lame (all those girls have bastards now)) and introducing myself to john hughs, corey feldman molly ringwald basically the gods of the 80's.
But not only did the films of this era promote individuality and friendship they didnt treat kids like little bitch babies. Movies, even kids movies were pretty damn scary. Dark Crystal, Return to Oz, Labyrinth and Neverending Story have imagery that gave a generation of kids nightmares. If an 8 yr old today watched anyone of those films they'd be sitting in a pile of their own shit. So as result kids today are too scared of the efforts of jim hensen that go straight to idolising the slags from The Hill. As a result they start acting sexy at a young age they start taking drugs at a young ages they start fucking at a young age then next thing you know every 16 yr old you know is pumpin out a kid....... (i had a nip of scotch and i got a little off topic)

anyhoo my point is nothing bad can happen while watching classics from the 80's and early 90's and keep your kids away from bad films (bad as in Suddenly 30 not bad as in Plan 9 From Outer Space)

id like to dedicate this rant to jonny baxter, hes not dead or anything, he just gets what i mean




good night and get fucked