I'm going to out myself in this post and admit that I am a Sex and the City fan. Words can not express just how hard this is for me. I have spent many years slagging the show and its fan's but its time for me to admit that i am one of them.
Its really hard because i actually find the characters and the plots extremely irritating but i just fucking love it so much that i turn down many social outings on a friday just so i can sit on my ass and watch the re-runs.
However i should explain why i have denied my love of this series for such a long time. It all started when i was living with a bunch of douchebags in the north shore (I was only there for one month but it was soul destroying). I lived with three super mega girly girls and when they would go out shopping at the local westfield i would curl up on the couch and watch some Troma films (my dvd player had sharted itself so i only had the communal player in the lounge room). These girls would return from their rancid shopping adventures and inform there was a house vote and they all agreed it was time for a Sex and the City marathon. Being a closet fan I'd fake disappointment and let them change it over. The first few times it was great seeing all the clothes and shoes and shit (and Kim Cattrals amazing tits). I secretly LOVED it.
HOWEVER! It was when the comparisons to the characters stared that i become irritated. Someone always had to be the Samantha of the group and there was always a Charlotte. THIS is what shits me. Then i realised the tacky banter camparing the new shoes from 'Wanted' with Jimmy Choo's. And the straw that finally broke the camels back was coming home to find the 3 girls on the couch drinking fancy colourful liquids from martini glasses and watching another episode of SATC. I asked if they had been making cocktails and was about to pour one for myself when they told me that they had just poured their Barcadi Breezers in to fancy cups because the SATC girls always drink cocktails. (I would also like to point out that these same girls informed me how tacky i was to drink my longneck of toohey's new from a paper bag). LAME!!!!!!! I'm tacky but this was too much.
After moving out I became more aware of girls constantly comparing themselves to the Samantha's,Carrie's,Charlottes and sometimes the Miranda's (who gets left out all the time but shes my favourite). Everywhere i went i encountered another fat slapper waffling on about anal sex and how she would totally have a three way and go down on girls cos shes heaps like Samantha while her plain friend next her was totally a Charlotte. I always wonder how how this said 'Samantha' would react if she ever came face to face with a giant wet snatch and just how much would she enjoy a giant surprise slamming in her exit hole? chances are she'd run screaming and vow never to fuck again. Look I'm all for sexual liberation but theres no need to carry on like your a whore just because you dig one on the T-V. I was referred to as a Charlotte to someones Samantha (I replied with excuse me but your the Blanche to my Dorothy....before carrie,charlotte,samantha and miranda thre was dorthy,blanche,rose and sophia moreon the Golden Girls later) My blood boiled and i felt steam spew out of my ears! DONT FUCKING COMPARE ME TO THESE WOMEN!!!
Right now that all thats out I would like to say that yes Sex and the City is a fucking RAD show and i love love love it the clothes are amazing the shoes are fabulous and sometimes the characters dont drive me that insane. BUT start pretending that your like these fictional people, chatting about your sexual encounters and your love of 'High Fashion' (Stella mcCartney for target anyone?) I will beat you to death with your Louis Vuitton knock-off handbag.
Be Warned!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
tis a sad sad thing
I feel really sorry for the young kids of today because the movies they have today (with exception of of disney/pixar) totally blow. All their idols are baby prostitutes who expose their underage tang while prancing around in sequined hot pants and all the movies have the same bullplop story line.
Lets face its movies influence young people and when i was young i loved movies whatever i watched thats what i wanted to be. Though it made me socially retarded locking myself in my room having private movie marathons and hugging my marilyn manson posters it also kept me out of trouble. While all the other girls my age were out popping their cherries taking their first hits of ecstacy and experiencing their first pregnancy scares i was chilling in my bed re-watching the Goonies (which all my friends said was super lame (all those girls have bastards now)) and introducing myself to john hughs, corey feldman molly ringwald basically the gods of the 80's.
But not only did the films of this era promote individuality and friendship they didnt treat kids like little bitch babies. Movies, even kids movies were pretty damn scary. Dark Crystal, Return to Oz, Labyrinth and Neverending Story have imagery that gave a generation of kids nightmares. If an 8 yr old today watched anyone of those films they'd be sitting in a pile of their own shit. So as result kids today are too scared of the efforts of jim hensen that go straight to idolising the slags from The Hill. As a result they start acting sexy at a young age they start taking drugs at a young ages they start fucking at a young age then next thing you know every 16 yr old you know is pumpin out a kid....... (i had a nip of scotch and i got a little off topic)
anyhoo my point is nothing bad can happen while watching classics from the 80's and early 90's and keep your kids away from bad films (bad as in Suddenly 30 not bad as in Plan 9 From Outer Space)
id like to dedicate this rant to jonny baxter, hes not dead or anything, he just gets what i mean
good night and get fucked
Lets face its movies influence young people and when i was young i loved movies whatever i watched thats what i wanted to be. Though it made me socially retarded locking myself in my room having private movie marathons and hugging my marilyn manson posters it also kept me out of trouble. While all the other girls my age were out popping their cherries taking their first hits of ecstacy and experiencing their first pregnancy scares i was chilling in my bed re-watching the Goonies (which all my friends said was super lame (all those girls have bastards now)) and introducing myself to john hughs, corey feldman molly ringwald basically the gods of the 80's.
But not only did the films of this era promote individuality and friendship they didnt treat kids like little bitch babies. Movies, even kids movies were pretty damn scary. Dark Crystal, Return to Oz, Labyrinth and Neverending Story have imagery that gave a generation of kids nightmares. If an 8 yr old today watched anyone of those films they'd be sitting in a pile of their own shit. So as result kids today are too scared of the efforts of jim hensen that go straight to idolising the slags from The Hill. As a result they start acting sexy at a young age they start taking drugs at a young ages they start fucking at a young age then next thing you know every 16 yr old you know is pumpin out a kid....... (i had a nip of scotch and i got a little off topic)
anyhoo my point is nothing bad can happen while watching classics from the 80's and early 90's and keep your kids away from bad films (bad as in Suddenly 30 not bad as in Plan 9 From Outer Space)
id like to dedicate this rant to jonny baxter, hes not dead or anything, he just gets what i mean
good night and get fucked
Sunday, May 23, 2010
LEAVE THE CLASSICS ALONE!
today i saw nightmare on elm the remake. I was ever so slightly baked and it was still one of the most god awful pieces of crap i have ever seen! Bad dialogue terrible characters and the worst CGI ever.
Who the fuck wrote Freddy's one liners? Who wrote the screenplay? WHO?!!!
I cant even put into words just how bad it really was.
a 46 year old playing a 17 year old. Nancy had chipped nail polish therefore was an outcast. The boy got fatter every seen. BAD BAD BAD
eh terrible!!!!!!
Who the fuck wrote Freddy's one liners? Who wrote the screenplay? WHO?!!!
I cant even put into words just how bad it really was.
a 46 year old playing a 17 year old. Nancy had chipped nail polish therefore was an outcast. The boy got fatter every seen. BAD BAD BAD
eh terrible!!!!!!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
heres whats awesome about my friend J.B
the man has the most amazing knowledge of all things hair metal,japenese cult, horror and simpsons!
....i think someone should make a comic book hero of J.B. thatd be fucking rad......
....i think someone should make a comic book hero of J.B. thatd be fucking rad......
Thursday, April 15, 2010
heres whats shitting me tonight
as i was leaving work tonight i saw i a couple of girls on their way to what i cant only assume was a 'cowboy' themed party. and what pissed me off is that both of them went the slutty cowboy look. i hate themed parties where the theme can be taken to a skanky level. do they really think their the first to dress up as a slutty nurse or a slutty cat. serioulsy whay the fuck??? are they really that desperate for attention?put your snatches away and and stop draing attention to yourselves you look fucking stupid. AND while im on the subject of skanky attire dont wear teeny tiny dress's and then complain how cold it is. AND if your going to wear massive heels (that are extrememly tacky i might add) learn to walk in them.
i fell asleep and forgot what i was writing about ......ummm everyone looks stupid....thatll do
i fell asleep and forgot what i was writing about ......ummm everyone looks stupid....thatll do
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
heres the story everyone wanted to hear......
foreward: this story was written when i was totally baked. having stopped smoking pot i am not sure if it will still be funny......but here it is. A Cessnock Love Story........
Tamara and Dave net at Cessnok High while sharing a smoke before P.E. She was fifteen he was sixteen. After they hooked up at the school dance Dave told Tamara he sneeked some bacardi breezers from his mum's shed he asked her if she wanted to go to the bush party and smoke cones and get pissed and shit. Tamara replied with a "fuck yeah'. Her mum was working late at steggles and her dad probably at the pub, so she had a few hours before she needed to be home.
After Tamara had two breezers and dave had himself a cone the two snuck off in to the bush. Because she was totally smashed she allowed dave to slip her some digits and afterwards she gave dave his (and her) first blow job.
The following week at school Tamara was in an absolute panic because when she performed oral sex on dave a bit semen trickled down her throat and now she feared she might be pregnant. Luckily her very sexually active friend Shelly assured her that there is no way she can get pregnant from swallowing nor could you pregnant your first time and if you stand up immediately after sex.
With her new found knowledge Tamare headed straight to daves after school bringing a copy of her favourite movie, '10 things i hate about you" . After the first 20 minutes Dave called heath ledger a fag and desided to put on 'American Pie' cos its really funny when that guy fucks the pie and that chick gets her tits out.
Onnce shannon elizabeths breast were exposed dave could no longer hide his erection and suggested that he and tamara should have sex. They undressed and dave assured tamara that he was awesome in the sack because he lost virginity to an 18 year old from Nelson Bay when he was 12.. After 3 powerful thrusts dave rolled over and lit a smoke while Tamara stoop up tp prevent pregnancy.
After this romantic encounter Tamara and Dave were at it like rabbits. At their parents houses,cubby houses behind the basketball courts, parties. The most signifigant time being at another bush party thrown by Hamo. Tamara had drank 3 jim beam and cokes and she assured everyone at the party that she was legless. So messed up that she decided to ask everyone to watch her and her equally frunl friend shelly make out . Daved expressed how awesome he thought it was because he digs girl on girls shit. He asked both girls in to the bush but Shelley had to puke. So off went Tamara and dave to roll in the bush amongst the sticks and broken bottles. From away you could hear their friend yelling out 'their gunna fuck....stick it in her!' which he sure did.
Four week after this incidentTamara s mum bought her mothly supply of libra fluers,making tamara realise that she did not have her rags yet.She freaked out and called Dave in Hysterics. They agreed to meet at Cessnock chemist and bought a pregnancy test. They took the test in the public toilet of cessnock mall. It revealed that Tamara was in fact pregnant. The told their parents and she cried for days and days. Until Dave come to deliver some good news,their going to get $5000 from the government Tamaras tears dried up immediately. 'Sweet!!!!"
Tamara was four weeks pregnant and could not possibly carry on at her part time job at the local super market deli in her fragile heavily pregnant state.Dave quit school and started working part time as a trolley boy at coles, a tamara organised so he could support the baby.Tamara stayed at school and to make sure she did her very best she got her mother to do all her home work and assignments for her.
Nine months later Tamara gave birth to a boy they named jaiden. After Jaidens birth Dave moved in with Tamara and her family. They lived their for 5 years until they found a nice flat in the heart of cessnock.bTamara felt she was ready to return to the workforce this time as chechout chich at Target part time while dave worked at a petrol station..part time also.
Two years later shortly after Jaiden turned 7 Tamara found out she was going to have another baby which meant another $5000. With the new money they rented themselves a new plasma t-v and a case of jack daniels.
Dave realised he'd better pop the question. Luckily Prouds was having a sale and he bought her a really nice kind of gold ring with what looked like a diamond for $300.
Tamara accepted Daves proposal and soon enough her waters broke all over daves knee that he had got down on.
After 6 hours in labour Tamara held her new baby girl Mercedes in her arms. A few days later Mercedes was taken home to her new home. Tamara and dave now realised that they had it all twon sort of healthy kids (tamara smoked through both pregnancies) a fridge full of frozen food and rented plazma t-v and each other.
Tamara and Dave net at Cessnok High while sharing a smoke before P.E. She was fifteen he was sixteen. After they hooked up at the school dance Dave told Tamara he sneeked some bacardi breezers from his mum's shed he asked her if she wanted to go to the bush party and smoke cones and get pissed and shit. Tamara replied with a "fuck yeah'. Her mum was working late at steggles and her dad probably at the pub, so she had a few hours before she needed to be home.
After Tamara had two breezers and dave had himself a cone the two snuck off in to the bush. Because she was totally smashed she allowed dave to slip her some digits and afterwards she gave dave his (and her) first blow job.
The following week at school Tamara was in an absolute panic because when she performed oral sex on dave a bit semen trickled down her throat and now she feared she might be pregnant. Luckily her very sexually active friend Shelly assured her that there is no way she can get pregnant from swallowing nor could you pregnant your first time and if you stand up immediately after sex.
With her new found knowledge Tamare headed straight to daves after school bringing a copy of her favourite movie, '10 things i hate about you" . After the first 20 minutes Dave called heath ledger a fag and desided to put on 'American Pie' cos its really funny when that guy fucks the pie and that chick gets her tits out.
Onnce shannon elizabeths breast were exposed dave could no longer hide his erection and suggested that he and tamara should have sex. They undressed and dave assured tamara that he was awesome in the sack because he lost virginity to an 18 year old from Nelson Bay when he was 12.. After 3 powerful thrusts dave rolled over and lit a smoke while Tamara stoop up tp prevent pregnancy.
After this romantic encounter Tamara and Dave were at it like rabbits. At their parents houses,cubby houses behind the basketball courts, parties. The most signifigant time being at another bush party thrown by Hamo. Tamara had drank 3 jim beam and cokes and she assured everyone at the party that she was legless. So messed up that she decided to ask everyone to watch her and her equally frunl friend shelly make out . Daved expressed how awesome he thought it was because he digs girl on girls shit. He asked both girls in to the bush but Shelley had to puke. So off went Tamara and dave to roll in the bush amongst the sticks and broken bottles. From away you could hear their friend yelling out 'their gunna fuck....stick it in her!' which he sure did.
Four week after this incidentTamara s mum bought her mothly supply of libra fluers,making tamara realise that she did not have her rags yet.She freaked out and called Dave in Hysterics. They agreed to meet at Cessnock chemist and bought a pregnancy test. They took the test in the public toilet of cessnock mall. It revealed that Tamara was in fact pregnant. The told their parents and she cried for days and days. Until Dave come to deliver some good news,their going to get $5000 from the government Tamaras tears dried up immediately. 'Sweet!!!!"
Tamara was four weeks pregnant and could not possibly carry on at her part time job at the local super market deli in her fragile heavily pregnant state.Dave quit school and started working part time as a trolley boy at coles, a tamara organised so he could support the baby.Tamara stayed at school and to make sure she did her very best she got her mother to do all her home work and assignments for her.
Nine months later Tamara gave birth to a boy they named jaiden. After Jaidens birth Dave moved in with Tamara and her family. They lived their for 5 years until they found a nice flat in the heart of cessnock.bTamara felt she was ready to return to the workforce this time as chechout chich at Target part time while dave worked at a petrol station..part time also.
Two years later shortly after Jaiden turned 7 Tamara found out she was going to have another baby which meant another $5000. With the new money they rented themselves a new plasma t-v and a case of jack daniels.
Dave realised he'd better pop the question. Luckily Prouds was having a sale and he bought her a really nice kind of gold ring with what looked like a diamond for $300.
Tamara accepted Daves proposal and soon enough her waters broke all over daves knee that he had got down on.
After 6 hours in labour Tamara held her new baby girl Mercedes in her arms. A few days later Mercedes was taken home to her new home. Tamara and dave now realised that they had it all twon sort of healthy kids (tamara smoked through both pregnancies) a fridge full of frozen food and rented plazma t-v and each other.
i know i cant have an opinion on this but.......
ok,i know that i dont have kids and have never been pregnant but exactly what is the right age to stop beast feeding? because about a month ago i saw something that has been turning my stomach ever since.
I was on the train to work and i saw a very sweet family board two very cute little blue eyed blonde girls one around 3 the around 6. They sat across from the younger one waving and eating tiny teddys. I found myself going 'awwww i want kids'. That s until she turned around ripped her mums top down pulled her tits over and started sucking on it like it contained oxygen all the while making eye contact with myself and other awkward feeling passengers. The calmly looked out the window as nothing was happening completely oblivious to the mortified onlookers. After she was finished she threw the boob back at her mum and continued eating her tiny teddies. Trying to be polite i looked away as if nothing had happened but just as i turned my head to see what station i was at, the kid decided she needed some milk to wash down those cookies. So again down came the shirt out came those nipples and there goes the little girl like a milk sucking vampire. This happened 3 more times each time as gross as the last. The whole time the mother glancing out the window.
So am i wrong in saying that the kid is waaaaay to old to be on the tit? I mean she could walk and talk and eat fucking tiny teddies AND she reach over and access the tit herself surely she can drink from a bottle. Its sooo wrong.
although on foxtel there was a woman who breast feeds her 12 year old, i guess thats wierder
I was on the train to work and i saw a very sweet family board two very cute little blue eyed blonde girls one around 3 the around 6. They sat across from the younger one waving and eating tiny teddys. I found myself going 'awwww i want kids'. That s until she turned around ripped her mums top down pulled her tits over and started sucking on it like it contained oxygen all the while making eye contact with myself and other awkward feeling passengers. The calmly looked out the window as nothing was happening completely oblivious to the mortified onlookers. After she was finished she threw the boob back at her mum and continued eating her tiny teddies. Trying to be polite i looked away as if nothing had happened but just as i turned my head to see what station i was at, the kid decided she needed some milk to wash down those cookies. So again down came the shirt out came those nipples and there goes the little girl like a milk sucking vampire. This happened 3 more times each time as gross as the last. The whole time the mother glancing out the window.
So am i wrong in saying that the kid is waaaaay to old to be on the tit? I mean she could walk and talk and eat fucking tiny teddies AND she reach over and access the tit herself surely she can drink from a bottle. Its sooo wrong.
although on foxtel there was a woman who breast feeds her 12 year old, i guess thats wierder
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